13 reasons why–what if?

What if i had spoken to her at lunch that day? What if i had offered to be his friend? There are a lot of what if’s when its too late to actually do anything. I don’t know about all of the older generation, but i know my mother would not take me serious if i told her i wanted to kill myself. I guess its the attitude i have towards life or the front i put up.

No. No i don’t want to kill myself. But what if i did? Would anyone take me seriously? I asked my brother what he would say if i told him i wanted to and he said “You don’t. You’re too scared to do something like that.” He is totally right, but he’s just assuming. He doesn’t know or care what is going on in my head. He doesn’t know or care what i go through everyday.

Recently i watched the Netflix series ’13 reasons why’. A lot of people on social media warned everyone not to watch it, that it was horrifying, triggering and depressing. I think everyone should watch it because no one takes this seriously. Ive never met a more suicidal generation in my life. Most of today’s youth are so sensitive and sheltered to where they cant handle the what life throws at them anymore.

I once threatened to kill myself because my own mother called me a stupid slut on multiple occasions. Throughout my life, i don’t know how many times ive been called a blonde. Back forever ago, people meant that towards white blonde girls and i find that so offensive and im not even white.

Being called stupid because of the way my mind works killed my soul and my spirit just a little more each time. At times i didn’t even know how i could take all that negativity. That’s why i am so positive, that’s why i put on a front, so no one can see that things get to me. That’s why no one can tell if im depressed/suicidal or not.

That’s what many people go through today and nobody cares. They want to brush it under the rug until someone trips up and dust flies everywhere. What if we could prevent these useless deaths? What if we took our heads out of our asses and listened when people called out for help?

I think that is one really good reason to watch that show and read the book. They are raising awareness. They are trying. Now its our turn to help.